A Collection of Four Pieces Entitled:
When the Body is the Cage, the Chaos, the Heartbreak, and the Deterioration
CONTACT ME TO PURCHASE ONE OF A KIND RUNWAY PIECES
The Cage - photograph by Connor Mochi
The Chaos - photograph by Grace Duval
The Heartbreak - photograph by Grace Duval
The Deterioration - photograph by Grace Duval
a collection focused on four facets of my experience with inhabiting a female body as a nonbinary individual
Official Artist's Statement
When the Body is the Cage, the Chaos, the Heartbreak, and the Deterioration is a collection dedicated to describing various aspects of my experience living in a body that has routinely been an overwhelming source of pain and fear.
The Cage: My body is a sexualized meat suit that constantly garners unwanted attention. No matter how much I cover up or own the skin I'm in, this appears unavoidable. It's perceived in ways I’m unable to control, but have often endeavored to resist. This is my attempt at acceptance.
The Chaos: Living with an unpredictable hormonal cycle has brought highs surpassing the clouds, lows from hell, and dizzying swings between the two. This has contributed to my complex relationship with gender which is shown through the disheveled nature of this piece.
The Heartbreak: Being socialized as a woman has shattered me countless times as male partners, and even those who never committed to partnership, have used me as their parent, therapist, and unwilling object of pleasure. This piece represents that venomous pain and the weight of expectations I bear.
The deterioration: I've also witnessed my body degrade over the years. I was diagnosed with endometriosis at 16, tried multiple birth controls that worsened and created new permanent symptoms, had excision surgery to remove the endometrial scar tissue at 20, continued to experience symptoms and was subsequently diagnosed with adenomyosis at 21, tried an IUD that caused more pain and removed it after 5 months, and days after applying to be in this show, was diagnosed with PCOS at 23. The sheer rage I felt following that diagnosis sparked my inspiration for this collection, but my final piece hones in on the medical distress I've endured and the feeling that my body is falling apart more with each day that passes.
The Cage - photography by Connor Mochi
The Chaos - photograph by Grace Duval
The Heartbreak - photograph by Grace Duval
The Deterioration - photograph by Grace Duval
Original Designs
The Cage
Final materials used: 3/8" polypropylene rope, metal rings painted with gold spray paint
Originally conceived to represent the feeling of being trapped in one's body while simultaneously attempting to confidently take ownership of how one is perceived. Painting the rings gold brings a level of glamour to the pain, adding to the tension of trying to decide whether this piece is about confidence or suffering.
The Chaos
No original digital design as this piece was an upcycle of a previous project created in 2021, utilizing the same pants made of donated jeans, same shirt made of donated khakis but now dyed red and painted, and same trench made of donated button downs but now overdyed with black dye (all donations came from genderqueer/trans individuals)
Originally meant to represent the chaos of my non-binary gender, but evolved to include an added focus around the chaos of the female hormonal cycle and how those two things interplay. The pants always included a red crotch panel to resemble menstrual bleeding, but the addition of red dye and black paint in a sticky goo pattern on the crop top expands this representation and brings it to the forefront in a way that can't be ignored. The darkness of the trench enhances the pain involved in this concept.
The Heartbreak
Final materials used: thrifted pashmina, glass beads, embroidery floss, various black and red fabrics
Created as a visual representation of heartbreak, not from an actual breakup, but from feeling trapped in a false love that claims to be real while only causing pain: a love that expects AFAB people to do and be everything to their AMAB partners while giving just enough crumbs in return to keep their partners around. It's a bloody venomous relationship as shown by the embroidered poisoned heart and red dangling beads on the shirt. The sense of entrapment and further motif of blood is channeled through the pants.
The Deterioration
Final materials used: cotton fabric dyed various shades of red and pink and intentionally burned with a blowtorch for the primary bodysuit, various fabrics and fiberfill stuffing for the organs, glass beads specifically used in one ovary.
This piece speaks to my experiences with a number of reproductive and otherwise chronic illnesses. The body of the bodysuit is constructed from strips of fabric varying in shades of red and pink, representing the array of illnesses involved in body and burning them all shows how they all contribute to my personal physical deterioration. The tear in the lower abdomen with intestines and a uterus hanging out intend to create a focus on that part of the female body and the organs that are most directly impacted. The inclusion of glass beads in one ovary represent the cysts of PCOS.
Themes of the Collection as a Whole
Every look revolved around reds, pinks, and black. The reds and pinks play on themes of confidence, pain, blood, and the actual colors of internal organs. Black can also be synonymous with confidence while simultaneously adding to the pain of hidden experiences that occur in darkness. All closure methods were lace-ups when possible and were included in every piece to add to the feminization and beautification forced upon AFAB individuals, regardless of feeling a genuine connection to that motif.
My Outfit
My own outfit was not an official part of the collection, but I intentionally chose to create it using a fabric that was raspberry colored and shiny in texture to maintain unity with my models and message. The style and silhouette was intentionally androgynous with a touch of femininity. I also dyed my hair a dark raspberry to match.
Slideshow Images
During the runway walk, the following six images, previously photographed by me, were displayed at the top of the runway in the order shown to add to the emotions and themes of the viewing experience
Additional Images From the Collection and Show
Photo credits to Grace Duval, Connor Mochi, and myself
